3 Pro-tips for Gifted Teens Struggling with Perfectionism
Like most people, gifted teens have things that they are naturally very good at and things that they struggle with. Unlike most people, gifted teens usually excel in more than one area of interest.
When you're naturally very good at most things you try, it can be easy to expect that you will always be good at everything you try. Sometimes, when you fall short of self-imposed expectations, it can feel like the failing of a lifetime.
Gifted teens very rarely have a thought like "I need to be perfect." Often, perfectionism shows up in a lot of little ways. Part of combating perfectionism is learning how it shows up in your life. Perfectionism can look like:
Procrastinating: avoiding a task until the very last opportunity to complete it
Pre-crastinating: getting something done way ahead of schedule because you're so anxious about whether or not you'll do it 'right'
Avoidance: not doing something because you think you won't be perfect at it
Only doing things you know you're good at
That last one is especially dangerous. What kind of world would it be if people only did things that came easily?
You probably have some ideas about how perfectionism shows up in your life. The question is, what do you do about it?
Pro-tip 1# Practice saying "I don't know"
When you have a lot of interests and learn quickly, it's easy to be well-versed on a lot of different topics. When people around you are used to you having the answer, it can feel embarrassing not to have it. There is a lot of value in being honest when you don't know something--that's how you learn something new!
Pro-tip 2# Practice putting in the effort
Often, when a gifted teen is interested in something, they excel at it. When you have a thirst for knowledge, learn quickly, and can become hyperfocused on an area of interest, it is effortless to excel. But, no one is great at everything they try. There is value in choosing something you aren't very good at and learning how to put in the effort--even when it's hard.
Pro-tip 3# Cut yourself a break
I think this one is best described with a personal anecdote: I experience a lot of anxiety about school. As a 2E individual, it makes sense that I would feel anxious about doing well in school. I struggle a lot with writing assignments; it's harder for me than most other things I do.
I was recently enrolled in a research methods class. I love learning about how to conduct research, so I moved through the course very quickly. I usually completed assignments two weeks ahead of time (pre-crastination, anyone?). With the semester winding down, I was done. I'd spent 13 weeks getting assignments done at lightning speed, getting high marks, and I was burnt out.
So you know what I decided? I was done. I simply did not do the last two assignments of the semester because it did not feel worth the stress of completion. I'd worked hard all semester, I had a high grade in the class, but writing is really hard for me. I decided the emotional cost of getting 98% in the class wasn't worth it. I still did the reading, I still thought about the questions, but I just didn't do the written assignment. And ya know what? I passed the class, I got a good grade, and I got a break. I usually have to remind myself: it is only school.
It's important to remember: the process is just as important as the end result. If you're absolutely miserable doing something just to get it done, cut yourself a break and don’t do it.
While these are just a few pro-tips from one perfectionist to another, it is probably worth mentioning that you will never, ever be perfect. No matter how smart you are.
You will never know it all
You will not always have the right answer
You will make mistakes
The cool thing is that even if you aren't getting it right 100% of the time, you're still gonna get it right some of the time.
“One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist.....Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”
― Stephen Hawking
©Copyright 2019 Madeline Stein